Just God

I wrote this one a couple of weeks ago and I've been mulling this over for awhile prior to that. Reading back over what I've written below, I still haven't really done justice to how I really feel about this topic....but, it is a start and it feels good to have it off my chest.

For Oliver's first Christmas (in 2011) I put together photo books for my parents and in-laws.  Since he was born in January, it was almost a full year of photos.  My mom asked me earlier this week if I would do it for his 2nd year....which had me looking back through pictures taken just months ago that feel like they were years ago.  Remembering the feeling of taking a picture of my 2 year old lying on the floor, unable to sit or hold his head up yet still grinning from ear to ear (after he was taking trazadone and before the real treatments started).  Crying out to God to heal my baby.  I think I was more emotional tonight than I allowed myself to be during the whole experience...Mama had to keep it together. 

It made me so thankful for friends and family- truly, brothers and sisters in Christ who have taught us to pray from a position of strength.  That we should truly cry out to Jesus for what we want and need...not "Just God, please...." anything.  To know beyond a shadow of doubt, full of faith, that He is standing by waiting to act on our behalf.  

Thankful we didn't pray- in our ignorance - for them to find something that was causing his symptoms- be it infection or neuroblastoma- so that we would at least know how to attack it.  No.  We prayed for complete healing from the top of his head to the bottom of his toes.  Yes, we still treated Oliver with pharmaceuticals and traditional medicine, but we believe his full recovery can only be a credit to God's hand at work in Ollie's tiny body.  (Not to mention the protection Ollie has received from any negative side effects of the high-power drugs he is taking)

So, take a moment and think about how many times you unwittingly (try) to limit God with your words.  Once it was pointed out to me, I realized how frequently I heard people set limits with words like "Please God, just_____", "God, if only you would_____", "Please, God, at least _____", etc.  Thank God he is able to work without our cooperation, but think how much more powerful we would be if we didn't limit God's action in our lives.  How much more freely He could bless us. 

I know I have a LOT of room to grow in my words.  It is an area that I am just beginning to understand and explore.  But for what it is worth, I see every day examples of how what we say creates how we feel and impacts our circumstances.  I love hearing Ollie say "I trong, I ealed, I a tictor" (I'm strong, I'm healed, I'm a victor) your brain only knows what it is fed :)  
*Ollie learned from Mimi this weekend:  "Mimi bootiful, Mimi nart, Mimi teetiy" (Mimi is beautiful, Mimi is smart, Mimi is pretty).  Maybe I need to start throwing in a few affirmations for mama:)* Just sayin'

So very very blessed.  And stepping off my soap box. 

my (EARLY) mornings with mama

I'm waking up between 3:30 and 5:30 every morning.  Sometimes it is dark, but I'm wide awake and feeling great...so why not get up?  I get up and start calling for my mom, "hello, hello?  mama?"  She will open my door and say "I'll be right there, baby".  I'm pretty sure she goes potty and then comes to get me.  When she walks in I say "BOO!" She really laughed hard the first time I did it.

Our conversation the other morning:
Me: mama got nilk?
Mama: mama got nilk.
Me: mama got ipaa?
Mama: mama got ipaa.
Me: mama got tone?
Mama: mama got tone
Me: mama got note?
Mama: Mama got, wait, what's a note?
After several repeats she finally got it....i just wanted the tv remote!
Once i had these things I could settle in for the early morning. 

Once it hits 6:30 or 7, I'm allowed to go to Nana's room and wake her up.  I get to read my Ollie book and play with my spiderman puzzle book.  I usually want the TV on to watch more "Nickey" (mama is glad I don't really pay it any attention, but I do like to hear them talk).  I prefer to take Nana's pillow away from her because papa's is "too hard".  

Sometimes Nana will make me a breakfast picnic.  I started asking for "watuls" and Nana found a special recipe online that is low-sodium so I can eat them, too!  The other day, I showed Nana where to get the waffle-maker when I opened the child lock (she acted surprised...i've watched the bigs do it every day for months!) I made sure to tell her that she can't touch the stuff on the right side because "it tarp, mama dada touch it".  

(This is mama talking now.  Oliver is truly full of sunshine from the moment he wakes up in the morning.  Be it 3:30, 5:30 or later (yeah, right)...just this morning, when he was trying to get ME up, he put his little arms around my neck, kissed each cheek and my lips then hugged me and said "git up mama, i love you!"  BEST moment EVER!)

my speech results and MIMI'S!!

I'm sorry it has been so long since you've heard from me.  My mama has been busy working on a project for me....a photo book!  I found the one she made for my nana and papa on my first Christmas and I LOVE it.  So, she thought it would be nice for me to have another one. 
At first, when I looked at the baby book I was upset because the Ollie in those pictures did not have teeth!  I felt better when I saw the pictures in the end of the book where I finally had teeth.

Lately, I've really been figuring out my words.  Sometimes my big people laugh at the things I say.  Mimi dropped something the other day and I copied her "oh Shoot!" quickly.  I've also learned most of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star".  I had an infusion on 6/26 that took almost 11 hours....on the way home I made mama and daddy laugh when I mimicked the alarm sounds and flashed my light like the fire alarms at the hospital.  7/23 my speech results came back.  I am in the 11th percentile for speech, but off the charts in language.  In other words I know how to structure a sentence and comprehend yours, but my words aren't clear to most other people.  My daddy is working on finding a speech therapist to work with me in our house right now. 

I've been really getting really good about getting my shots.  I know they don't hurt too bad.  Mama calls it my super juice.  I've been feeling so good that I guess I'm ok with it.  Usually I'll ask, "What mama doin'?" and then tell them "no tot, no tot!" But, when they don't listen, I suck it up.  Nana rubs it for me sometimes and I really like the bandaids.  

When daddy went golfing a few weekends ago, mama and I went to stay with Mimi.  I was so excited to visit her that Nana got a video of me hopping around before daddy put me in the car.  Uncle EE was there.  I practiced flexing my muscles.  He played with me and was lots of fun! Nana got a video of me jumping around with excitement about going to stay at Mimi's!!  While I was there, Mimi taught me some cool things to say: "Pretty Mimi, Bootiful Mimi".  I really wanted to go swimming so I laid down in the living room with my legs up.  Mimi got the hint and took off my pants and diaper.  Then I said "Twimming".  I guess i was firm enough, cause she gave in and took me:)  When daddy came home, I was upstairs getting ready with mama...I ran downstairs and said "Hello, Daddy, I missed you!"  Then I got on my tip toes and looked at myself in the mirror over the sink.  It is so fun growing so much taller!

On another visit to Mimi's recently, I covered her entire patio (and the walls) with sidewalk chalk.  I've also been blowing lots of bubbles at Mimi's.  I like to chase them if she or mama blows them for me.  I love to swing and play outside, too!

Mimi's birthday was July 11th.  Me and daddy went to surprise her and stopped at the bakery to get some of her favorites.  Papa Ernie flew in and spent an hour with us.  Daddy let Avery hang out with us because she hadn't been around anyone else in a long time.  I was so happy to see Ave.  I miss my cousins and my auntie ashley.  It was a great day!